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Spider Balls

Spider Balls

Hello Friends thank you so much for joining, I thought a share story this week. Now being a caregiver your not always wanting to do things. There are pros to your life style but also some cons. When your the main caregiver you get pretty damn tired. This happened to be one of those nights. We lived in apartment and during this time Braden went to bed late since he was playing poker stars he use to be professional poker player. I transfer Braden into bed and unclothed him he sleeps naked it’s more comfortable for him. As we head to bed I notice spider on the ceiling and since my husband can’t get The monsters or bad guys typically falls on me. I got the broom and whacked it away. Time to put broom back in closet It was now time to go to bed I set up all his night time stuff. We go to sleep. If you are main caregiver once you fall asleep your pretty much in coma until it’s time for the next day. Well in middle of sleep Braden says "Hey can you check the covers I feel something moving". I being so tired say" It’s in your head please go back to sleep I’m exhausted."He rolled over I hear him breathing a little more heavy. But tries to go back to sleep. Then 20-30 mins I hear Jessica I know your so tired. I wake up. can you please turn on the light and check the covers please and I yell "ITS IN YOUR HEAD.". I turn on the light. I remove covers and now I see the crazy monster the spider and it’s fight. I have to figure out how to remove the spider from my husband special jewels and brave it now In a panic I blow and spider doesn’t move my next thought smack it all you can hear Braden" PLEASE!! PLEASE NO!" Luckily spider jumps to my side bed and I kill it. So from now on instead checking for monsters under the bed we check for spiders on the ceiling. Now in our family we always say check for spiders on your balls. I could have had a little more kindness because it definitely counts. Kindness counts JM

Foster Care Scared

Foster Care Scared

Are you someone that says I wanted too foster? Are you someone that says i would love to foster but "those kids come with baggage." The bias goes on and on. What are you scared of ? Helping a kid a child someone that did not ask to be in the system. My thoughts you should be brave and do it. You could literally change that child's life that small act change that one special moment in your life. Not theirs yours. Misconceptions I hope that make you think. Just maybe. Did you know...... You only need to be 18 foster. You need to have enough money for yourself. You can be disabled. You even can be on disability or social security. You can have rough past You don't have to be religious You don't have to have a partner or be married. You can live in an apartment You do not have to be a Us Citizenship Each state has different standard of criminal background still could qualify to foster These are few things I learned in the process. Now I reside in California every state county country are different. Those are some things I wish I knew. When I was younger because I would have jumped on the band wagon a lot sooner. Of course you still have to follow protocols for fostering background checks. Just in case your one of those people. Look into local agency for foster care or your local county. I would like to add some encouraging things that kept me motivated. If you are looking for a family movie watch INSTANT FAMILY! Bonus Mark Walburg stars in it. .https://youtu.be/lOeQUwdAjE0 https://youtu.be/FrV9oO0BOtk These two youtube videos i often send to people thinking about Foster care. The awkward thing I want to say that probably thinking but too afraid to think to say it. Guess what not all kids in foster care have been molested ,physically abused or that they miss behave.Remember most kids are in foster care because of there caretaker not because they choose it. Also babies in foster care is not really a thing. The truth is siblings who love each other need to be together and supported. So looking into the system look at more of siblings need a home. Now Have I peaked your interest. Don't be a shoulda coulda woulda. Look into it. I promise the scariest thing your doing is not looking into it. Could you imagine meeting one of coolest people you ever met. Just by looking into the foster care system and being a change. Foster care is not scary the media makes it scary. Fear creates fear but think about it this way.. I'm one of the many people who had a great positive experience. Im not the only one. My family benefited from it. It has had its thorns but honestly we have a whole rose garden. I can't wait to share more in the future.For now if your really really thinking about it. Let me be the sign for you to do the web search. Honestly kindness is showing another child that they do count. KindnessCounts for our children. JM Shout out to my boys gotcha day August 29,2018 Mom loves you!

???Common question ???

???Common question ???

Let's start with what is common for my husband when at grocery store, electronic store or even just on a walk walking with him. Often first natural reaction is they talk to him as if he can't speak. Now i don't know based on upbringing or just fear. They talk to him as a child often get startled by the reaction. When they find out that my husband speech is intact. What does bother me is when we are at these stores and they road block him or are family and want to pray in the store.The prayers are nice but nicer when you take that time do it on your own time don't force us. Its awkward feeling often makes us feel uncomfortable and its happened more than once in different stores. Boundaries! Now that is small look into our family. Here are some questions that may or may not Know. 1. What does your husband have ? Cerebral Palsy Definition: a condition marked by impaired muscle coordination (spastic paralysis) and/or other disabilities, typically caused by damage to the brain before or at birth. Are typical short answer for people. Loss of Oxygen in the brain. 2.Can Braden feel? Braden is Not paralyzed he can feel everything. I even sometimes tickle him. 3.How fast does my husband powered chair go? NINE miles hour. Mostly men ask this trying to connect with him. But this one is funny because most the men think they came up with this joke. 4.Does everything work? My typical answer mind your business. The baby was naturally conceived so YES. After 10 years infertility I got the miracle plus sign. 5. When you go to bed do you have to get up if he needs to use restroom? NO. We use urinal cost is typically 7 dollars often found at Wal-mart, CVS and other stores. 6. Does your husband have a special diet? Nope he drinks soda likes it is an ocean. He actually is picky eater by choice. No veggies unless it is Broccoli with mayo. 7. Why does Braden drink with a straw? Easier and typically has lid minimize spilling. 8. How does he work? Well he is professional poker player and comedian goes back fourth depending tournament and opportunities. He might fall into politician soon. 9. What does his caregiver do for him? Grocery shop cook clean help with showers Picking things up. Laundry and best of all mothering his children. 10. Do you ever get a break from each other ? Yes and No. We are 24/7 team. So we spend a lot of time together. More than average couple. However we try are best do things for ourselves have friends and family help. I hope these question of curiosity opened up your eyes. That you learned something inside a family with a wheelchair and wife. When you see someone in show them some kindness and smile at them. If your in your mask wave. Kindness always counts. JM

Foster Care; the truths and myths of the process.

Foster Care; the truths and myths of the process.

Adoption is dope and we highly recommend it!

Sometimes the Best Dads Have Wheels

Sometimes the Best Dads Have Wheels

Yes, Braden's on wheels but, more importantly he is the best dad for our sons to look up to.

You Got Kids

You Got Kids

Some times you just need a simple creative snack! This is for those kids who have a sweet tooth but you don't want to just drown them with the typical candy bars. Its back to school for us we are doing distant learning. I am lucky mom because I am the main caregiver for my husband so I already stay home as wife-mom already. If your mom dad or teacher in this whole covid-19 thing shout out to you because YOU ROCK! We got this! Even if we don't we will! Ok back to the food where all home and have to eat. We got to make it yummy! Ingredients Flour tortillas Peanut-butter Ground cinnamon Honey Semi sweet chocolate chips Raspberries Apple Directions: Take one flour tortilla lay it flat. Get a butter knife to smooth the peanut butter. It does make it easier. When you add the topping it will stick better. Next add the honey so you can add the toppings. Less sticky fingers. Sprinkle the tiniest bit of ground cinnamon. Cut the apples into small cubes spread out all over the tortilla. My next favorite topping is raspberries. I love the tang an sweetness. Then to make it feel more like a candy bar got to add the chocolate chips. I used a pizza cuter to make it into pizza like triangles. Enjoy! if you recreate this recipe please share on my instagram so I can re-post. As I practice Kindness counts I hope you do As well. JM

Care Giver Burn-out

Care Giver Burn-out

I have four kids, a handicapped husband, plus myself. These are all-in, a total of 24/7, 365 days of the year. How did I get burn-out during a pandemic where you really couldn’t ask for help? The risk in asking for help was getting Covid. WHICH SET ME OVER the EDGE. Getting vaccinated! my life is actually opening back up! I can truly ask for help! I can send my kids to their friend’s house, ask my friends to watch the kids at their house, ask grandma or grandpa or great aunts for help. The list is finally opening up. To reach out and be able to do it all. How did I discover I was burned-out? I physically couldn’t get myself to take a shower. I was getting sleepy when driving, to a point where I would rather have things delivered than do it myself. These things sound silly, but true. Lots of mis-communication with my husband over caregiving, our relationship, etc. I could no long look forward to putting on an outfit, makeup, or hygiene for myself. But the breaking point was I needed something to hold me accountable. I put off therapy for 5 months. Just the thought of calling them was too much. Countless other things like spending time with the kids and having kids helping cook were my favorite things that I could no longer bring myself to do. I booked myself a therapy appointment and got everything off my chest. My favorite part is that I let so much out that my therapist said you only have 2 mins left. But, this was the first step in the right direction. Now I am writing this because I know I'm not alone. But when you’re in it you feel alone. Now the actual work is going to be me getting back to me. It’s going to take some time to recover. Burn out-like depression-can sneak up on you. However, I don't want it to happen for me and my kids. It's time I take actual steps to put myself first. Putting me first is very confusing because how can I do that when my plate is full? Beyond full. The number one step is to ask for help. There is not really an excuse anymore. Things are lifting. How can you do it all and never ask for help or a break? So, how can I let go of my ego and actually get help? Next up, how am I supposed to have confidence in myself if I don't take care of myself? I could schedule time for myself to get pretty and ready for me. Taking like 15 mins three days a week to slap make-up on my face. Take actual breaks, I don't always have to take the kids on the walk or drive with me. Mom's guilt gets me but, I can do these things by myself for a short mental break. I have the equipment for working out. My kids don't always have to have every area of the house. And for another way of planning to get a break is by putting all the kids down and staying up with a friend or husband to watch a movie. Or getting up early before the kids and meditating. These things I need to practice. Because, at the end of the day I wasn’t kind to myself. How am I supposed to preach kindness counts when I’m emotionally and physically neglected? Jessica Murphy Kindness count

Recipes For the Busy Moms

Recipes For the Busy Moms

                 Parking RAGE

Parking RAGE

Have you ever wondered what the lines are on the asphalt parking next to a handicap parking spot? Or that a handicap sign says, “Van-accessible”? It's for families like us with a wheelchair. We use a big lift to get in and out. Those are meant for when the lift comes out. So why am I writing about something so small? Just in case you decide to be in the thought process of parking your car or motorcycle in the lines reserved for a “Van accessible” parking spot. Our family utilizes it. It gives us a chance to safely get my husband out. We use it because If we used a non-handicapped parking spot someone could block us. Then we’re trying to figure out who's car it is, waiting for them to move. It sometimes becomes a safety hazard if we don't use it. When we don't have a safe spot our next safest option is to park far away & hope no one parks next to us. But it doesn't always work that way. If someone does park next to us, I have to pull forward, put my hazard lights on, deploy the lift, get my husband in the lift, then buckle his seat belt. Since we’re not parking in a proper spot some cars think we’re just blocking traffic. Then I have to take the time to say the wheelchair is getting loaded. Road rage can happen ‘til they look on the other side & see the actual lift and wheelchair. Then there are times where I need to take this specific vehicle for something like an oil change. On that occasion, it is illegal for me to use it personally to park in the handicapped spot because I, myself and my children are not physically handicapped. People get mad at me because they don’t understand it is a full-time job to maintain a vehicle to do things like utilizing the ramp. Sometimes I’ve got to get the ramp out so I can load groceries. So next time you’re out and about pay attention to those tiny little details. Just remember there might be a five-foot two wife just trying to get her family to and from places safely. And if you see someone park in the lines explain to them why they need to be open. Be a little kinder with the handicapped parking spaces. This might be the only option the family or person has for safety. Kindness always counts while driving I try to practice kindness myself driving we all got to get to and from places. Jessica Murphy Kindness counts

       Friends giving

Friends giving

We in the united states celebrate thanksgiving only non hallmark holiday we have. Only time don't have to worry about gifts money or candy. Just about good food. This year im celebrating differently like most. I will be at the ocean taking mini baby family moon before the new arrival. However now times spent friends and family a lot more special when your living in a pandemic. Things i've learned in pandemic basically who you choose to spend with your friends family most important people in your life. Do you go ebs and flows yes. But now its more important to talk to people. Spend Time with people. Really enjoy people conversation time spent with you. I am not doing traditional thanksgiving meal. Well because I will have that on thanksgiving. My menu is Appetizer chips salsa stuffed mushrooms,Main course tri tip green bean casserole mashed potatoes potato salad steamed carrots cranberry sauce macaroni cheese salad. Dessert apple and pumpkin pie with side of vanilla ice cream and coffee. Drinks are coffee water and apple cider most of us don't drink alcohol so this is why. The kids will have kids table i printed a thanksgiving place matt with crayons paper for kids color. I also created a small scavenger hunt for around our neighborhood. The table low to the ground they get to sit on bottoms. Close enough to be included. For the adults because this year crazy i created place cards using closing pens and washing tape with their names. A card says what i am thankful for because of them more personal message from me the host. I am reusing a lot of the decor i already have. Making it more into thanksgiving theme. It is funny the people that often hurt us the most are people closest too you. So these people I invited are the people I love hardest fight with the most. But I also have to rebuild constantly relationship with them. Often people hang around during the holidays those people fought with that no one talks about the fights and then making up. If your like me you run a fine line of boundaries and relationship protect your heart and feelings. So my kindness rant Spend time with people you want to be around.They want to be around you. Be kind to the people your around. Have meaningful conversation and spend your time with people who enjoy you and you enjoy them, If we have all learned during this pandemic sometimes we don"t get the chance to show kindness people living in front of us.. We move too fast we forget that those people right in front of us help shape and build us. Those people are the ones that feel our hearts with kindness. Making kindness count is more important now then ever before. If we put that out kindness energy you never know what it does for other people. It should feel you up to be kind. It is always free and makes more of difference and it can spread all across the world. JM Update friendsgiving was blast! Nice to have laughter conversation and quality time. I wrote to each person and child what i was thankful for. I had little personal touches and to people about the small details. Also my door prizes for coming was toilet paper. For the kids was thanksgiving craft and glow sticks. Also everyone was good at rinsing off plate cleaning up after themselves leaving me time and space as the host to enjoy myself. There is also little bit drama and mine is almost setting house on fire because paper from apple cider jar i recycled landed on the heating tool dish washer making the kitchen smokey for little bit. I was bit embarrassed but I thought thats least of my worries. Food wasnt burn the bellies full. So i took that embarrassment and pride moved along lol. I think my kindness showed today. I felt i tried felt like everyone loved it!

The hard truth

The hard truth

My kids are adopted yes. In my case adopted through foster care that comes with trauma because no matter what way it turns the courts decided that the kids needed a home other than the one they were born into. They were not given up for better home something had to happen for kids to get into care. The truth is because of that the my kids spend holidays with me there family but cant help but to think what there missing out on. My kids have to look at holidays different set of eyes. They look at it are we going to celebrate. Can we celebrate? If we celebrate will will we be hurting biological family. Just like life it can sometimes be hard to navigate around adoption. I also have to navigate that because i adopted I need same effort put into my kids just as much biological kids. So i often have to say you can't send gift not unless it i s all my kids. Or same with quality time with all my kids. I think that's just being mom too all I got compare to is myself. Without going into too much detail my kids are school age don't have contact with their biological parents. So because of the confusion I try to encourage them to write letter to bio parents mad happy angry explaining what there doing what is happening so when if contact ever happened the kids have something to give to them. Naturally this to them comes up around birthdays holidays. I don't make it big deal when I do get letters i give envelope promise not read put it in box where they know it is. Kids coming foster care often have stigma of wild how can you handle it. I often think there kids it is much harder dealing with difficult boss then difficult kid. I am trying really hard myself personally only positive reinforcement and when kid makes mistake to let it go only respond to the good. It is hard because where fed so much negativity. At the end should be mind over matter. Kindness over anger. Back on track to what I was saying kids have feelings too. Just like when someone passes or traumatic event remember that day. Kids have these feelings come up during the holidays. So besides letter to the kids I also created since thanksgiving coming up a feeling turkey. I saw bunch ideas pinterest craft groups but I put my own spin on it for my kids. I also been saving all my paper towel and toilet paper rolls because of the pandemic. If toilet paper going to go sparingling I am going to use every inch of what I paid for. So I have been saving for craft projects with my kids. The reason i am speaking to this because even in this craft kids have so many emtions during this season of holidays. Nice to show some emotion kindness let there feeling out meaning you can be kind but also listen with kindness. I am practicing make it count because even I sometimes don't want to suck it up deal with my own emotions or own feelings how we navigate being a family. Make a craft with your kids make the time be filled with kindness often hopefully make a good memory for them. Kindness counts JM You need toilet paper roll or paper towel roll cut in half even use the roll from left over foil googley eyes red and yellow construction paper and bunch fun color construction paper sharpie or pencil glue stick I pre cut The beaks into triangles I also added googly eyes before kids started craft. I pre cut the gobble for the turkey. I also pre cut construction into the feathers. Leaving my kids to write there feelings on the feather what that turkey or what there feelings. You can add the extra step magnetic thing make it keep sake so you have thanksgiving decor during thanksgiving. Gets kids thinking about there feelings gets conversation going. I think total cast for this craft 5 dollars and with plenty left over for future crafts.

                Kindness

Kindness

As we know my thing with kindness counts is not just because I believe it. It is because i also need to practice it in my home life and for myself. I struggle with Kindness so I surrounded my most vulnerable thing I have is kindness. I have sassy streak and when I hurt I am a person cant reckon with. Kindness counts because if Im held accountable to my kindness I have the inattive to be kind to others and to myself.With that being said the thing I struggle with kindness is making it count spending my time and energy making it count for myself. Just like anybody else it is hard sometimes to be kind. It is so easy have the surface kindness. Sometimes it is really that deep kindness with people who are right in front of you live under roof or see on a daily basis. We are meanest to the people where the closest to as expected we should also be the kindest but we forget to practice that. Anyways I wanted to do acts of kindness with pandemic going on as I am currently recovering from COVID-19 with my family. I thought of my ideas how to show some kindness during this season, Post of covid-19 with my family will be coming soon. So stay tuned. Until then I thought what are some ways to make kindness count. These are some ideas i am going to try with my family maybe you want to try too. If you do some these tag me instagram with hashtag #kindnesscounts. * You can pay for the person behind you in any drive thru. *You can save box tops give them to your local school or friend or family member. *If you notice coupon that someone uses save it for them mail it to them so they can use it. *If you don"t cook just drop off frozen meal or tv dinners. *cook or bake dinner drop off *drop off groceries *Become a pen pal with everyone stuck at home now perfect time reach out become pen pal with people around the world or just community since social distancing. *Decorate family member or friends side walk with side walk chalk let them know miss them and care *make some humming bird water and drop off mason jar 1cup sugar 4 cups water boil dissolve deliver *Listen now the time to take time slow down and just listen hear about the hopes and dreams just really listen. * Hear what the person saying and do something to really make them feel herd and that you where hearing understanding what they where saying * Time spend time with your family like time not electronics but time with them * Where in social media area but shouting out the people you care about on any social media letting them know see them and care. *Self care do it for yourself or help someone else accomplish self care *Forgive look deep forgive we all are hurt but once forgive you can finally let it GO *paint rocks kind words put them around the neighborhood *show kindness to your family friends and strangers however that looks to you *drop off plant flowers or seed to someone *look up someone amazon wish list pay for something *Send a care package from etsy or amazon *pick up trash walk outside *Be patient and kind even feel that dont want too. These are ideas I have of course there plenty more like toilet paper lysol hand sanitizer and bunch on pinterest and google. With times being so weird. These are some things I have been thinking about to show my KIndness. I really find it important to make it count. I can"t do it all but I can make small steps show people I encounter that Kindness means alot to me to show it. Also means alot to share the kindness. I really want to practice my kindness.I want to show my kids husband no matter what little or alot we have that more importantly kindness counts. Im starting with my little family working our way out. Kindness Counts JM