The first problem (of many) is that my kid's teeth fell out. You would think it would be no big deal. Join the club of being a parent. However, not going into too much detail, my kids' bio parents are not in the picture. If something should to happen to the kids I wouldn’t have a record of their DNA, I then went on this long search of why I should keep my kids' teeth. It's a question I am often faced with in adopting, is trying to make the right call medically. It’s a guessing game. But at the same time I’m going with my gut. I think this is something not often talked about: the what-ifs. Going with the my gut for the child later.
Another random struggle is when you adopt in California they automatically change the birth certificate to you as if you are the one that birthed them. However, I did not birth them. It doesn't bother me it is just a bit weird for me to tell the hospital time & date when I was nowhere in attendance. I now take credit on paper for something I didn't do and it's legal. I find that kinda rough.
Adoption through the foster care system is not beautiful. Adoption is more on working on myself. Working through their stuff helps heal & guides them to be better humans.
I am by no means perfect but I do brag that I adopted my kids. Coming from my childhood I have tried to give to them what I wish I had gotten. I know what it feels like to be neglected due to drug addiction. When I do brag it opens up the conversation of adoption. There is some horror story that the parents did something wrong & then the kids were put into the foster system. It was a system that decided that they needed care elsewhere. That system often can stigmatize.
Often, the oxycontin drug pandemic has created a situation where kids just need parents or any caregiver to care for them. With love. Love meaning accepting who they deserve to be as a kid. On another note, if you haven't seen the movie “Instant Family” with Mark Wahlberg I strongly suggest watching it. If you thought about foster/adoption use that as a reference.
Adoption is a weird thing. I definitely think that it makes life a little more interesting, if life is not interesting enough. It makes you think more outside of the box doing what is always best for your child.
Where am I going with this? Kindness. A lot of times, when other kids find out they are adopted, the first question asked is where are their parents? I answer in my head the Karen answer, “I am their parent”. Or that the birth parents are always thinking about them, when my kids didn't facilitate these questions or blank statements. These are things that I think need to be talked about but also I think things need to be thought about a little more before blurting stuff out.
At the end of the day, I'm their parent. People who parent the child are the parents. So, I would say we can all show more kindness to parents and kids who have been adopted.
Treat adopted families like anybody else. Don't be afraid to ask the parents questions. But also think a little harder, with some kindness, about the burning question you want to know. Going forward ask with kindness so the question always counts. I can be less of a Karen with my sassy quick wit saying, ”I'm the parent.”